What’s All This About Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation involves more than simply controlling our emotions. It’s the process of monitoring and adjusting our emotional responses to match the demands of different situations. For example, feeling nervous before an exam is a normal and natural feeling, but using breathing techniques or positive self-talk to help us stay calm demonstrates the act of emotional regulation.

Emotional regulation includes three main skills: awareness, understanding, and management. Awareness is the ability to notice what we’re feeling and identify the emotions felt. Understanding is the knowing and the acknowledgement of why we feel a certain way and what triggers it; and finally, management is the conscious act of choosing healthy ways to express our feelings and using strategies to cope.

It has been shown that people who can effectively regulate their emotions tend to be able to focus better, have higher academic performance, and are able to form and keep healthy, positive relationships with their peers and family. They also have been seen to have lower levels of stress and anxiety, as well as better resilience, meaning they have an enhanced ability to manage challenges and bounce back from adversity.

The ability to emotionally regulate begins to develop in childhood. In the early years, children rely on parents/carers to help soothe them, and they begin to learn to model calm responses. As they grow, they begin to learn strategies to help them emotionally regulate, such as talking about feelings or taking breaks when upset. Then, in the teenage years and into adulthood, they develop more complex skills, such as reflection and a deeper level of empathy and compassion.

However, even for those who often struggle with dysregulation, the inability to control and regulate their emotional responses, there is still hope, as emotional regulation is something that can be learnt by anyone, at any age. Providing supportive environments is vital for the growth and development of us emotionally. Surrounding ourselves with those who model positive behaviour and encourage open discussions about emotions can help us acquire a deeper awareness and understanding of how and why we feel certain ways, as well as aid us in the development of effective emotional management strategies. We can also use practical ways to strengthen this by practising mindfulness and deep breathing exercises, as well as the process of reframing our thoughts, which involves changing how we view a situation. In addition to this, taking part in physical activities, journaling and crafting, and seeking out social support networks have also been shown to encourage and strengthen our ability to emotionally regulate.

Ultimately, emotion regulation offers us the skills needed to act according to our beliefs and values, rather than our impulses. It takes away the chaos that often comes when we are feeling dysregulated and gives us back the control over our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, letting our real selves dictate the way we behave and respond to situations.