Bereavement and the Power of Sharing

Bereavement is a term that we come across when we lose someone close to us. It's something that we will all experience at some point in our lives, but yet, it's one of the most challenging times to navigate. Bereavement is not a linear process, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, it is a journey that can be full of unexpected twists and turns. As humans, our response to loss is called grief. Unfortunately, this is a process that brings with it various emotions and can have a profound effect on our wellbeing.

Emotions Commonly Associated with Bereavement

The grieving process is an individual experience, meaning no two people can grieve in the same way. However, these are some of the emotions commonly associated with the grieving process.

Sadness-

Feelings of sadness following a bereavement can feel overwhelming and cause a person to isolate themselves away from others.

Denial-

Denial is when a person refuses to recognise their loss because the acknowledgment is too painful for them.

Anger-

Often manifesting itself in behaviours, such as arguments, anger following a bereavement can lead to the breakdown of supportive relationships and feelings of guilt and resentment.

Shock-

Shock can manifest itself in both physical and emotional symptoms, and can occur even when the death is expected.

Anxiety-

A person can become anxious when they are caring for someone who is dying, or as a direct response to the loss, which can cause them to worry about themselves and others they care about.

Relief-

An often confusing emotion, relief can be felt following a bereavement when a person feels glad that someone's pain and suffering is over or that they are now able to move forward with their life.

Numbness-

Following a bereavement, emotional numbness can occur when a person doesn't experience the emotions usually associated with grief, making them appear strong or emotionless to others.

The Importance of Talking about Death

Talking about death is not an easy topic; it can bring up some difficult feelings and memories. However, despite the discomfort, talking about difficult experiences plays an integral role in our healing following bereavement.

Cognitive distortions When we experience the death of a loved one, it's common to develop negative and unhelpful beliefs. Traumatic experiences tend to be fragmented and disorganised, leading to cognitive distortions, such as all-or-nothing thinking, jumping to conclusions, overgeneralising, catastrophising, and magnifying and minimising situations. When we share our experiences, it can help us cope better with these cognitive distortions, by giving them a clearer narrative so that we can reorganise and make sense of our thoughts, feelings, and memories.

Triggers Difficult experiences can be triggering. We might smell a certain smell, or go to a certain place, and suddenly, all those difficult memories come flooding back. However, the more we talk about our experiences, the better we can learn to understand and manage why we react in certain ways so that with time they can become less triggering.

Difficult thoughts, feelings, and memories We may feel guilt, shame, and resentment following bereavement, but keeping these thoughts and feelings to ourselves can often reinforce them. We may hold pre-existing beliefs about how we think we should react to death, but grief can challenge and surprise any one of us. It is complex, unpredictable, non-biased, and can creep up on any of us without warning. No one can predict the path that grief will take, and no one should feel ashamed or guilty for feeling the effects of it. Talking about death and how it makes us feel gives us the time to experience our grief, and make sense of the way it is making us think, feel, and behave.

Taking Back Control

The act of revisiting an upsetting event can be extremely painful emotionally, a factor that can often discourage us from discussing it. However, sharing our difficult thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help reduce its power and hold over us. A somewhat, transference of power occurs during the process of sharing, in giving back the power to the individual, it empowers them to take back control over their lives and encourages them to start to build their life around their loss. Once shared with others, we often find that we have nothing to hide, and we realise that other people didn't react in the same way our minds had told us they would. Talking about death helps us to reflect on and challenge any negative and unhelpful beliefs in a calm and rationalised manner. It shows us that our feelings are real and valid and allows us to take back control, helping us to better understand what we have been through, what help and support we need, and how we can move forward from the difficult experience.

by KyAnn Wellbeing